Traffic Curiosities

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Stop-Sign-In-Middle-Of-Street

Statesville, NC’s infamous stop sign that is nowhere near an intersection

It occurred to me recently, while driving,  that there are a number of peculiarities you see pretty much every day – often more than once – without ever paying much attention to them. Most of these are neither as dangerous nor annoying as the standard grievances everyone complains about, the rubbernecking, tailgating, and texting. But because we file these away without a thought, when you actually stop to examine them, they seem all the more bizarre:

1. The Right Angled Left Turn

This head scratcher makes the top of the list due to its prevalence. Chances are the next time you happen to be sitting in a left hand turn lane, you’re going to have front row seats for this wondrous phenomenon. Even better, if you occupy the second car in this lane, you’re going to get to experience it first hand – the driver ahead of you, feeling as if he is accomplishing something major, inches a little further out into the middle of the intersection with every oncoming vehicle, impatiently awaiting his golden opportunity to turn left. By the time this happens, he is making a 90 degree turn, and meanwhile you, though in theory behind him, are casually cutting your own arc…but have to stop and wait for him, ostensibly the “lead” car, to catch up to you.

2. Brakeslam                  Turn Signal

I know I know I know – it’s been a long time since you took driver’s ed. But if you can, try to cast your mind back to that misty epoch and recall the various reasons, you were taught, a responsible driver might use his or her turn signal. Handy if stopped at an intersection with no turn lane, to make those facing you on the other side aware of your intentions, sure; a great idea when approaching a turn, so that those behind you have time to prepare, definitely; but not, I repeat not, worth much in this situation after you have already slammed on your freaking brakes. At this point, there’s no need to bother. You have already announced to the world you have some serious mental defects, and none of us particularly care how or why this came to be. It’s the equivalent of standing on a tall hill with a megaphone and shouting, “I’M A MORON! I’M A MORON!” over and over again, but waiting until the entire 7 billion or so citizens of the planet are gathered below you before elaborating.

3. Yield Sign Red Light Combo

Maybe it’s a local thing, but I swear that, while nowhere near as odd as my hometown’s infamous stop-sign-nowhere-near-an-intersection (see above), during my daily commute there are something like four or five spots that feature both a yield sign and a traffic light. What is the intended purpose of this peculiar combination? Do I have a green light or don’t I? If it’s red, wouldn’t that imply I can either come to a complete stop and then turn right, or sit and wait if needing to continue driving straight? What about when the light is yellow? Doesn’t this mean the exact same thing as a yield sign? Or is it meant to reinforce the yellow? Is there an epidemic dietary deficiency in this locale causing people to turn a blind eye to this particular shade?

4. The Impatient Slowpoke

I considered leaving this one off the list because, as we were going to press here, a sudden revelation struck me, causing me to see this spectacle in a brand new light. I think I get it now. By this I am speaking of the daily irritation whereby this dude insists upon whipping right out into a pinhole sized opening directly in front of you…and then puttering along subsequently a good ten miles an hour below the speed limit. See, the deal with this is, they didn’t actually whip out in front of you, it only appears as such. In reality, this person has spent a good twenty minutes struggling to make it through this one turn. Nonetheless, though I now consider this mystery solved, it’s of such epic aggravation that I had felt it required inclusion.

5. Unnecessary Lane Changer Man

Similar to point number 2, the last minute brakeslam of death, this one I suppose is potentially dangerous, though far more often ends up being an exercise in extreme dorkiness. A good example is my drive to work last week where this dude flies onto the interstate via exit 19, sails past a number of us in the right hand lane, executes a triple lane change, zooms forward, then reverses course and breaks right back across the same three lanes…before getting off at exit 18…where he is the last car in a long line waiting at a red light when we all pass that exit. Perhaps he wishes to show of his car, maybe that’s the purpose. The only problem is, I couldn’t tell you the color of this vehicle now, much less the make and model. Certainly not the identity of the guy driving. Or if it even was a guy driving. And yet you see this sort of thing constantly.